Personalization or excessive responsibility If you find it difficult to accept praise or compliments, you can start by saying a simple, sincere “Thank you” or “I appreciate that.” Then, take a little time later to imagine what your life would be like if you believed the words were true. How to challenge it: Whenever you disqualify the positive, you’re wrongly reinforcing negative beliefs about yourself and your world. When someone mentions it to you later, you say, “She said that because I was standing in front and she couldn’t avoid me.” For example, your boss praises you in front of your colleagues. What it is: You reject positive statements or occurrences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or another. How to challenge it: Every time you find yourself indiscriminately applying one past outcome to another anticipated or upcoming situation, keep telling yourself: “This one outcome is just that - one outcome.” 3. For example, when you don’t get a job you want, you think, “People don’t like me - and I’m going to die alone, too.” Your rules are usually negative rather than positive. ![]() What it is: You draw general rules from specific events, and apply them across unrelated situations. For example, you may spot yourself thinking, “I have to be perfect on the dance floor, or I’ll look like a fool.” Question the pattern by generating one possibility that exists between the two options - you might think, “I love to dance, so I’ll just go out there and try to enjoy myself.” Take this a step further by coming up with two more possibilities, such as “I may not be a great dancer, but I’ll never see most of these people again” or “I’ll get out there for two songs, and if I still feel awkward, I’ll consider sitting down.” Finding one alternative can help break the pattern, and conceiving of a few more develops your skill in seeing the nuances in every situation. How to challenge it: Notice the times that you do this. In reality, our lives unfold in shades of gray. What it is: You see people and situations in either/or categories (for example, a new colleague is amazing or boring, a night out is “the best” or “the worst”), without allowing for complexity. There is so much more for you to experience in life all you need is to be willing to break out of thought patterns that are keeping you artificially constrained and distracted. You develop more emotional flexibility, the ability to be responsive to changes rather than reactive, and the resilience to bounce back when things are difficult. When you begin to decrease these distortions, you’ll create a path toward a more fully expressed life. This process will take effort - you need to be aware of the distortion, catch yourself using it, and then replace the thought pattern with more constructive and optimistic thinking. If there are more than one, work on one at a time. Some overlap with one another, or several may occur simultaneously.Īfter reviewing the list, select the cognitive distortions that best describe how you think. Although many more can be found in the psychology literature, below are several that I hear my own clients express. Psychologists use the phrase “cognitive distortions” to describe irrational or faulty thinking patterns. These thinking errors may leave one with a poor view of self, no interest in connecting with others, and no desire or energy to pursue goals. ![]() And in fact, certain assumptions and cognitive errors can contribute to an experience of depression and leave people feeling more unhappy about their lives, says psychiatrist and cognitive behavioral therapy pioneer David Burns in his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. What’s on your mind - or what you think - is determined by how you think - or your thinking patterns. Do your thoughts suggest calm and contentment, or anger, disappointment and anxiety? ![]() If you looked at the contents of your mind, would most of your thoughts be positive, optimistic and accepting, or negative, pessimistic and cynical? An appreciable amount of our sense of well-being is tied to what we think, or the content of our thoughts. ![]() Psychologist Joan Rosenberg names five faulty thinking patterns and tells how you can start to change them. You need to examine how you’re thinking, too. IStock If you’d like to see the ways your mind is leading you astray, it’s not enough to look at what you’re thinking.
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